I remember as a kid asking my Dad, “What is Yom Kippur?”

He told me, “It’s the day when we ask for forgiveness for our sins.”

Being young, and mostly sin-free (though I’m sure my big brother would have a few in mind for me), I asked, “Why do we need a whole day for that?”

“You need to think about how you act, how you treat people, and to be a better person,” Dad said.

“So, what do we do?”

He explained to me that this was the most important day on the Jewish calendar, and that on this day, we fast. “That’s means we don’t eat for a whole day,” he explained to me.

That was a red flag. But as Vincent LaGuardia Gambini told the jury in “My Cousin Vinny” … “Wait, there’s more.”

“Well I would LOVE to hear this,” I imagined I would have said, had that movie been shot when I was six.

Dad said there’s no work on Yom Kippur. So, no homework or required reading? Up to this point, I’m in.

“Can we watch TV?”

“No,” he said. “The act of turning on the TV is considered work. So are turning on lights, lighting matches, or basically doing anything else.”

“Can I go out and play?”

“No,” he said. “That’s work.” Wait.. play is work? What am I, negotiating a contract with the Mets?? I just want to go outside and throw a ball around with my friends!!

As for turning on lights, in our house, you got to choose which light you wanted on. I said I wanted the light from the TV on. (Wrong answer.) It always was the bathroom. Looking back, that probably was the right call.

So, I thought, this should be one helluva day. No eating, watching TV, going out to play, talking on the phone.. (my wife Carrie answers the phone on Yom Kippur this way… “Hello, which Nazi is this calling me on a holiday?”)

Sensing that I wasn’t thrilled with the whole idea — what six-year-old would be? — he said, “But after the final shofar is blown, we get to have a big meal!” He had me at meal.

Ahh.. the meal. Mom would have been to Waldbaum’s, picking up the chubb (a gold whitefish.. no lie!), pickled herring in cream sauce, blintzes and sour cream, and more. And if we were lucky, she might open a can of Dole’s pineapple rings or purple plums in heavy syrup. That was it. One store, and fahrtik‘n shoin. Done.

Fast forward to 2024.

My mother would literally be rolling over in her grave if she knew what goes into the break-fast meal today.

First, everyone gets to have an order. An order?? My mother would put out a bowl of bananas and sour cream and say, “Here’s dinner.” And if you said you didn’t want it, she’d say, “Well, then, I guess you don’t want dinner.”

Today? My wife has to go to three bagel stores — the nephews and kids like the whole wheat everything bagels and light veggie tuna from Bagel Boss, while Carrie prefers the pumpernickel from Town Bagel, and I like the smooth whitefish salad and bialys from Long Island Bagel Cafe.. the one in North Bellmore, not Long Beach. Then, on to Pat’s Farms for tomatoes, cukes and onions, although the prices and quality aren’t what they used to be, before it turned itself from a farm stand into a mini-supermarket.

Don’t even get me started on the lox. Most of us prefer Nova, but there are a couple in every crowd who like the belly. (It’s saltier!) And, what would the break fast be without another curveball? My nephew likes lox spread — that’s small pieces of lox already mixed into the cream cheese, which, interestingly, meets the “no work” rule, because I’m pretty sure my Dad would say schmeering cheese on a bagel and cutting lox to put on top is work!

I will say, though, that it’s still quiet in the house. No TV, no music playing. That’s because when I go into the kids’ room to say goodnight, they’re under their blankets streaming TikTok videos, and listening with their earbuds. Also, we have enough lights on to guide the space station in for a landing.

Well, have a happy and healthy New Year everyone, an easy fast, and may we all be inscribed in the Book of Life for another year. L’shana tovah!