Writers write, right?
Many of my old and current colleagues are popping up on my Facebook feed, regaling us with stories of their youth, or launching into new children’s books or novels. That’s what they do. And, why not? What else is there to do?
I, too, thought this time of sheltering in would give me tons of material to tell you all about. But boy, was I wrong! As I’m sure you’ve been told, we’re all stuck in “Groundhog Day.” We wake up, and not a thing has changed from yesterday, or the day before… or the month before!
I think I’ve left the house five times since March 15. Three of those were on walks, and I noticed, sadly, that not everyone is following the mask and distancing rules. So even leisurely strolls have become stressful strolls. ‘Why isn’t that guy wearing a mask?’ ‘Look at those people walking so closely together. What’s WRONG with them?’ I’ve literally had to tell people to ‘Back the fuck up!’ (Which, as I suspected, gave me great joy!) I’ve also driven to my office twice. To water my plant. And that’s it.
My sister-in-law Pamela is a big shot. She gets to go wherever she wants, because she’s been through the virus and was told the likelihood of her getting re-infected is low, so she thinks she’s so cool, going to the grocery store, getting gas… and going to the grocery store, and getting gas.
(A brief side note: I can only compare the search for food in today’s world to that of cave people. I know little about them beyond what you can learn from the GEICO commercials, but somehow I knew they would have to leave the cave to hunt and gather food. And I’m sure they had the same level of fear that we have about going out in search of sustenance. Would they return safely home, or would they die? The big difference is that back then, if the animal they were trying to kill beat them to it, they’d be dead on the spot. I guess to make it more similar to today, the animal would wound them, allowing them to make it back to the cave — sans food — and then the whole family would wonder if those wounds ultimately would kill him. Another HUGE difference to today? At least the rest of them could be fairly certain his wounds wouldn’t kill THEM!)

Yesterday, I installed one of those video doorbells that’s supposed to let you know when someone’s stealing the Amazon packages off your stoop. We got it in December and yesterday it killed 15 minutes for me! (What’s that old canard about ‘Time waits for no man?’)
I hadn’t gotten around to it before primarily because I really don’t enjoy doing things around the house. There… I said it.
And now that it’s installed, I’ve been notified of activity about every 30 seconds. A car drives by. A squirrel climbs a tree. A bike rider passes. It’s so damn annoying that I turned off all alerts. And learned that in that mode, it does nothing. Hey, just like me!!
My friends — the ones that actually have self-motivation and a desire to improve their station in life — are like, “This is great. I have all this time to get through my “honey do” list.” One guy hung hi-hat lighting in a basement. Another ripped up his garden and got all new plants. They feel accomplished. Me? I’m proud that I have the longest to-do list of the bunch. I have more to do than anyone! And I always will!! BWAH-Ha-Ha-Ha!!
Today, my errands list includes — no, consists ENTIRELY of, getting out of my pajamas, taking a shower and shaving. That could eat up maybe 40 minutes. Then, I’ll take some time to figure out what to eat.
Perhaps later, if I’m REALLY feeling it, I’ll go to the town dump to get rid of my recyclable items, as the town has stopped home pickup of plastic, glass and cardboard. I told my sister-in-law I might venture out for that. She wished me a long line. So nice of her!
Uh-oh, the video doorbell just alerted me to activity outside. LOOK! There’s a dog taking a dump on my lawn, and the asshole owner isn’t picking it up! ALL RIGHT!! Errand Number Two!!