“You know, you’re not as young as you used to be. You can’t eat like you did when you were younger, you can’t drink like you did when you were younger. So, just don’t do anything stupid, David.” Those were the final words from my beautiful wife, Carrie, as I headed off on a golf weekend with my fellas — Jay, Mike and Steve.

I’m assuming she meant the term as defined in the third use in the Merriam-Webster dictionary — not ‘slow in thinking,’ and not ‘dulled in feeling or sensation’ as resulting from a sedative. No, the third usage defines stupid as ‘given to unintelligent decisions or acts.’

So, with that in my golf bag, we drove up toward the picturesque Catskill Mountains and a lake house as our base of operations. Day one, Wallkill Golf Club in Orange County. The ground was so wet from the persistent rain the region has received that we literally were walking through bogs and swamps to complete the round. My golf shoes were soaked, my pants muddy and wet. I asked the guys if they thought that’s what Carrie meant about doing something stupid. I had to wait for their answer as they passed around a flask of scotch and a vape pen while standing in mud in the rain between holes.
“I don’t think so,” Jay said. “Could be,” Mike said. “Who really cares?” Steve chimed in.

That’s where my murky definition of ‘stupid’ comes in. I don’t FEEL like I can’t do what I’ve always done, yet I know it’s not sustainable, especially with four stents reminding me of past ‘unintelligent decisions or acts.’

But that’s not what I was thinking about as we slogged through our round of golf and got ready to set up the house. We needed supplies, and stopped at Shoprite of Liberty to pick some up. A little more vape pen before shopping. Eggs, butter, English muffins were on the list. Not on the list, but in the cart, were breakfast sausages, Keebler chocolate chip cookies, Ridgies potato chips, Tostito chips, a half-gallon of Moose Tracks ice cream and those vanilla cream cookies with the waffle-looking wafers — to go along with the three bottles of scotch and two bottles of bourbon we brought up. After all, we were going to be there for 36 hours!! A man’s got to survive!! “Hey guys, do you think this is what Carrie meant?” The guys didn’t understand the question. We were grocery shopping. What’s stupid about that??

We traipsed though Lochmoor Golf Course on Saturday — golf shoes and pants now ruined and trashed. Saturday night, the dinner that you see above, at Hurleyville’s fabulous Frankie and Johnny’s. Two dozen baked clams, a couple salads, two pastas, veal parmigiana Sicilian style, chicken scarpiello.. but we were smart about it. No drinks, and no dessert!

“Guys, is this what Ca-..”
“Shut the fuck up already with the questions!”

Later that night, we were sitting out on the deck, sipping bourbons and scotches, and just talking… like a scene out of that yet-to-be-filmed movie classic, “The Fellowship of the Bong.” I said I remembered summer nights as a kid, lying on the grass with the other kids, looking up at the stars, and asking questions like, “What do you think we’ll be like when we’re 60?” So there we were, Jay and I in our 60s, Mike and Steve closing in, and Jay said, “And now we sit around and say, remember how great life was when we were 13?” Circle of life, my friends. Circle of life.

But oh, those days of bar mitzvah glory, when we chanted in temple as sopranos in the morning, then partied in our rented tuxes among the adults at night, brazenly drinking the scotch our Dads slipped us and puffing on cigars. Dancing with girls.. We were KINGS!! The Doors song, “Light my Fire,” came on the radio, and I said, “Wow.. I remember dancing to this song with Bonnie Pesacov at her bat mitzvah!” The guys had their own stories to tell, but I was already checked out, thinking about how the story of the trip should be told.

We arose the next morning and I was introduced to what is called “wake and bake.” And I’m not talking about breakfast pastries.

So, is that what Carrie meant by doing something stupid? I’m really, honestly not clear on the whole concept. But I am certain I can’t wait to do it again next year!