I know, I know .. ‘I don’t call.. I don’t write.’ Sorry, but I’ve been out in the field, doing research for this blog. I’ll tell you all about it, but first, Carrie wants me to wash ‘the field’ off me.

Back. So listen…
You’re familiar with the law of attraction, right? I’m not talking about what you felt when you first met your significant other (that still a thing?). I’m talking about how you never see, say, a certain car on the road until you might want to buy one, and then it seems that every other car is that exact make and model.

So it was during Christmas vacation, where at the airport, I was attracted to a line of guys who had to be patted down because the X-ray machine would trigger their pacemakers! Prior to my own surgery in March, I didn’t know ANYONE who had a pacemaker!

Then, at breakfast one morning, we ran into a former neighbor that we hadn’t seen in years, only to find out that he and I had our implants done THE SAME WEEK! I put down my bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, opting for the fruit Carrie was ‘suggesting’ I eat instead.

On vacation, the law of attraction lets us find ‘our people’ around the hotel. This was never more apparent than during the beach chaise reservation competition, which began at 6 each morning. That’s where I learned: Don’t turn in your towels at the end of the day, take them to your room. That way, you can feel your way in the pre-dawn darkness to find and save the 11 perfect lounges you won’t actually come back down to until noon — pissing off literally every other guest at the hotel. (Guilty as charged.)

HOW TO SAVE 11 LOUNGE CHAIRS*:
1) left flip-flop
2) right flip-flop
3) chapstick
4) suntan lotion
5) book
6) ear buds
7) Uhhh. yesterday’s bathing suit? (A real conversation starter!)
8) empty coffee cup
9) lid from empty coffee cup
10) stirrer and sugar packets
11) shells

*assumes two towels per chaise

I mentioned to one of the other seat-savers one morning how crazy it was with the lounge chairs. “It’s not that bad here. We were at the Ritz-Carlton in February, and you had to give the guy so much money every day to even get a seat.” I asked if his name was Richard, and if so, if it would be OK for me to call him ‘Dick.’ Later, Carrie and I met an older woman on the beach looking at some pieces of coral that had washed up. “Ooh, I like that one, and that one,” she said. Me: “You like them? Five bucks each.” She: “You’re selling these?” Me: “No.” She: “Oh, I just came off a cruise ship. My husband died last month.”

I was aghast (and agape!) that she would say that to someone she had met all of 40 seconds earlier, and responded with the only thing I could think of… “No charge for the coral.”

And so too does the law of attraction impact this blog. Since I’ve started writing about what it’s like to be getting old, that is all people are talking about.

I happened over the long New Year’s weekend to be lying on the couch, channel-surfing (THAT still a thing??), when I came upon a TV special by the comedian Sinbad. Remember him? He’s still going strong, and as sharp as ever. And what was he talking about? Getting old. He explained why old people need to be with partners their own age; why men shouldn’t date younger women. The reason? Because a younger woman will ask an older man why he’s making faces at her, while an older woman will instantly recognize that as a stroke! She’ll save his life, while the younger woman might visit once in a while at the rehab facility, primarily to ask if she can have his house, since he’s not using it anymore! Funny stuff.

Dec. 31, 2018. Our getting older group had New Year’s dinner reservations. I was thinking that I was chilly, and the music was loud, but I didn’t say anything, because hey, I didn’t want to seem like an old guy! And besides … drinks! The fun began when the folks older than us got up to dance. They weren’t actually dancing, more like the lurching of someone who’s been tasered. We ate, we partied, we wore hats and blew into horns, and best of all, we were sitting down… watched over by the ghosts of crazy New Years past while recognizing this is what New Year present has become.

As an aside, I’d like to point out that my brother, who is older, was at my even older cousin’s house, and if I know Alan (my brother, not my cousin), here’s how his night went: Should auld acquain… “Well, we made it,” he’d say. “It’s late. Happy new year, everyone, and goodbye! Gotta get up at 5 because I’m… retired?? And it’s a… holiday???”

Compare that to how Alan and I celebrated New Year’s Eve in 1976. I was 20. Alan wasn’t. He was plain and simply, just older than me. Well, we were in Times Square, in a time when you could leave to find a bathroom and come back to your spot with nary a cavity search! We drank a lot, the ball fell, we screamed, we drank a lot, and fell back to the luxurious (ahem!) Hotel Collingwood, where we had booked one room for about 18 college friends from Maryland — and we drank a lot more. When one by one we began to crash on top of each other, I think it was Alan who struck gold by finding a nice empty space on the floor — of the closet. Next morning, we went to a bar to watch the mighty Terrapins fall to the Cougars of the University of Houston in the 1977 Cotton Bowl.

I recall that as being one of the great nights of my life. Now that I see it in writing, I’m thinking that this New Year’s Eve was SO much better!!

I’ve been asked so many times if I’ve made any resolutions. I don’t make resolutions, as I have never seen one through. Can I be a better person in 2019? Honestly? I don’t think so. 🙂 Can I lose weight? Probably… though I’ve done it so many times, I don’t see the need to prove it again. My beautiful daughter Lindsey baked a beautiful chocolate cake over that weekend, and I could have walked away from it, easy. But that would have been rude, and a cold dismissal of the all the work she put into it. So I ate it heartily, savoring every moist, delicious bite. I chased it with a coffee, and then chased that with the anti-reflux drug Pantoprazole — which, I must point out, was not at all a reflection on the cake.

Anyway, another year passes into history. I wish you a great 2019!